Introduction
Disability is defined by the World Health Organization as resulting “from the interaction between individuals with a health condition such as cerebral palsy, down syndrome and depression as well as personal and environmental factors including negative attitudes, inaccessible transportation and public buildings, and limited social support” (WHO, 2021). Yet disability scholar Simi Linton notes:
The liberal arts, particularly the humanities, have barely noticed disability beyond the models they accept uncritically, handed down from the sciences and medicine. The tools for inquiry in the humanities have, until recently, rarely been applied to understanding disability as a phenomenon (Linton, , pp. 147–148).
Global disability communities have famously located disability in the environment. This is recognised as the social model of disability. Social modelling of disability rooted in British activism (Oliver, ) diverges from medical modeling—wherein “disability” originates from the individual—by resituating “disability” in the environment. This opinion paper builds from recent efforts in disability studies to define disability experience as intersubjective (Donaldson and Prendergast, ; Titchkosky, 2011; Kafer, ; Price, 2015) to suggest a move toward an interpretation of disability as an intersubjective ecological phenomenon. To invite this reflection, we discuss the case of Pini's experience of illness and hidden disability related to her oncological treatments for Hodgkin Lymphoma, and the development of her artistic project INFINITO, a longitudinal short dance film series that explores the relationship to cancer and its transformational aspects from a phenomenological and auto-ethnographic perspective (Pini and Pini, ) (Figure 1).
Figure 1
This conversational article between two parties—Kate, a disability performance scholar and Sarah, an interdisciplinary artist-scholar with lived experience of disability—considers the dancing body as redeemer in the specific case of experiencing Chemotherapy-Related Cognitive Impairment (CRCI). Through an autoethnographic analysis and phenomenological approach to illness (Carel,
In an exploratory account based on an interview with one another, the authors ask: when our senses and perceptions of ourselves and the world that we become are obfuscated, what is the nature of the new relationship between the performing self and its absent body/mind/world?
By focusing on Pini's case, we address the embodied nature of pain and illness, emphasising the role of the body as vehicle of sense making, and how the construction and embodiment of a meaningful self-narrative can help shape one's identity. We relate to notions of agency in psychology and philosophy (Balconi,
Moving in the Fog
Kate: Our discussion departs from critiques of social constructivism that highlight how the social model of disability reinstates body–mind dualisms (Shakespeare, 2006). As disability scholar Hughes (Hughes,
Sarah: During my 10-year long journey with cancer, I experienced “chemo fog,” in medicine known as Chemotherapy-Related Cognitive Impairment (CRCI), a little-known condition that goes by the lay term of “chemobrain” or “chemo fog” (Williams et al., 2016). Chemo fog refers to a collection of deficits in memory, attention, concentration, and executive function that affect patients who undergo chemotherapy treatments. Typical symptoms of chemobrain include forgetfulness, impaired concentration and attention, difficulty with multitasking and with word recall, short-term memory loss, and often the inability to organise daily tasks (Asher,
For a couple of years after my transplant I struggled with focusing on the task at hand; even performing what had previously been simple habitual activities became a difficult job. It was not only verbal retrieval and the ability to retain information in short-term memory that were impaired, but also my motor control and manual dexterity. During the years following my transplant, I was constantly forgetting things, dropping objects, and missing information. I could not follow a discussion if it involved listening and responding to more than one person, and simply retaining basic information became a real challenge. I was feeling depressed, terribly clumsy, and isolated. My relationship to the world thus felt syncopated, unsynchronised, and (somewhat paradoxically) constantly lagging behind.
During this time, feeling my own presence “in-the-world” became an impossible task as I was experiencing the world at an increased distance, as if it was hurtling away from me, spinning around me at a pace I could no longer keep.
Dancing Illness
Kate: How do you shape your life narrative and articulate who you are, what you are doing or where you are going, when you are moving in the “fog?”
Sarah: The intense experience of “losing” presence to the chemo-fog made me realise the central role played by the body in the construction of sense-making. Illness narratives and the concept of emplotment (Mattingly,
Later on, I began “distilling” these performances into distinct visual experiments, clustered together under the project INFINITO, a longitudinal short dance film series that explores the relationship to illness and its transformational aspects from a phenomenological and auto-ethnographic perspective. The first episode of the series, the short film ABISSO (Pini and Pini,
Depending on the specific situation I was finding myself in during my medical journey, and the type of challenge I was facing (such as beginning a new treatment after the failure of previous protocols or coping with the disruptive side effects of chemotherapy affecting my identity and sense of self), these dance performances allowed me to express and modulate the extent of psychological, emotional, physical, and social pain I was going through, allowing me to regain an agentic perspective.
Several interdisciplinary approaches across philosophy and the cognitive sciences have addressed the concept of the sense of agency, pointing out its inherent complexity, and phenomenological ambiguity (Gallagher,
What guided my inquiry was the desire to discover how I could regain an agentic perspective “in-the-world” and re-entering the social life that was left behind. The possibility of reshaping my relation to the world, to re-experience presence through the body, would enable me to dive back into what Carel calls the “flowing river” of conscious experience (Carel,
Kate: In the context of dance by artists with disability, issues of pain and vulnerability remain largely unexplored. So for me, your artistic enquiry, Sarah, is unique4. What I find interesting is that the concept of pain undermines popular social constructivist approaches to disability. These approaches disavow, in Anna Hickey-Moody's words, “the viscerally intense, complex and laborious nature of the lives of people with disabilities” (Hickey-Moody,
Sarah: I think I can relate to that. In my own experience I often found the common rhetoric of cancer somewhat negates the possibility of fully embracing an agentic perspective. In my view this is due to the predominant role that the war-like metaphor plays in this discourse. The illness is often described as “other,” as the “enemy”—which of course is something undesirable we want to get rid of—but without quite considering that the person affected by this illness has to “go into battle,” waging war to cancer, by engaging into an unfairly difficult war since the battlefield is her own body. In my opinion, what is most needed, rather than a warfare rhetoric, would be a deeper understanding of the situation the patient is going through, that inevitably includes the embodied nature of pain and illness, and the central role that the body plays in shaping cognitive experience. I have often wondered what is at stake when these hidden experiences remain unexplored and underrepresented in cultural texts, how can the painful experience be recognised in the first place?
Seeing and Sensing Hidden Disability
Kate: At the time, these markers of disability that you recount, Sarah, would have made visible your otherwise hidden experience of illness. To my mind, this resonates with the recent “emotional turn” in disability studies. According to Donaldson and Prendergast, the idea of emotion itself is relatively new in disability theory; “since Shapiro's No Pity in 1993, there is definitely no crying in disability studies” (Donaldson and Prendergast,
The problem is one of judgement: We wish to celebrate difference, or at least to avoid saying that one manifestation of personhood (being disabled) is worse than any other. Yet, at the same time, merely by positing desires, we a priori cannot help mapping the undesirable (Price, 2015, p. 276, original emphasis).
Through a disability lens, the predicament of pain is precisely that it—like vulnerability and shame—is undesirable. This inescapability of the undesirable can only be resolved if disability desires its undesirable subject—pain. Price stresses the importance of responding to another's experience of pain as “real,” present and necessary. Similarly, Dokumaci's call to “accommodate pain” (Dokumaci,
Discussion
We focus on Pini's re-enactment of illness through her video dance performances, to emphasise how performative practises can offer original perspectives that contribute to questioning and reframing established notions of subjectivity and different forms of agency. By relating to current notions of agency in psychology and philosophy (Balconi,
Artists and scholars are treading a fine line between staging a personal storey of pain laid bare in all its intelligence, wonder, and “realness,” and avoiding perpetuating the medical model of disability which holds hostage the narrative of disability as one of pride, gain, and so on. An antidote to the complexity of painful experience is recognising it, like any experience, as intersubjective. As performance artist and disability scholar Crow perceives, “impairment is the functional limitation(s) which affect a person's body, [while] disability is the loss or limitation of opportunities resulting from direct and indirect discrimination” (Crow,
In disability studies there have been recent efforts to define disability experience as intersubjective. For example, Titchkosky (2011), Donaldson and Prendergast (
With this opinion paper we do not mean to suggest hidden disability experiences are—or feel—deficit. Rather, we suggest that the experience of hidden impairment can be deeply emotional precisely because it is not discernible to others. As Pini's experience suggests—in the case of a professional dancer, and thus, a highly trained performing body-mind—we imagine exploring this state. Where confusion, reverberating trauma and thinking itself fuses one's world into a perpetual condition of uncertainty or frustration, a deep intelligence and sense of curiosity are enabled.
Conclusion
Pini's visual auto-ethnographic account illustrates how dance and performative practises can offer ground for transformation and reshape an agentic perspective over a disrupted life narrative, viscerally perceived in her filmic essay (Pini and Pini,
Statements
Ethics statement
Written informed consent was obtained from the individual for the publication of any potentially identifiable images or data included in this article.
Author contributions
All authors listed have made a substantial, direct and intellectual contribution to the work, and approved it for publication.
Acknowledgments
The authors would like to thank the Department of Cognitive Science and the Department of Media, Music, Communication and Cultural Studies at Macquarie University; Doris McIlwain, John Sutton, Greg Downey, Kalpana Ram, Julie-Anne Long, Nicole Matthews, Yuji Sone, Murmuration, and Sarah-Vyne Vassallo for the support received during their doctoral research; and Janet Gibson for conversations about hidden impairments in the context of live performance.
Conflict of interest
The authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.
Footnotes
1.^The short film ABISSO (2018) can be watched at the following link https://vimeo.com/user17123701.ABISSO has been selected for international film festivals including Dance Cinema, [C]Screen-Spring Dancefilm Festival 2020, Moving Images International videodance festival 2020, IntimateLens 2019, among others. ABISSO received several acknowledgments including the 2019 CHASS Australia Prize for a Student in the Humanities, Arts, and Social Sciences, and won the 2018 Visual and Creative Ethnography Competition organised by the Australian Anthropological Society (AAS) and Australian Network of Student Anthropologists (ANSA). For further information on the creative process underling the development of the film ABISSO, see the interview to Sarah Pini published on Dance Cinema.orghttps://www.dancecinema.org/abisso.html.
2.^For an overview of the relationship between sense of agency and consciousness across interdisciplinary approaches see Obhi et al. (
3.^For further elucidations on the difference between “sense of other” and “sense of us” and collective agency see Martens (
4.^For insights into screendance and disability on screen see Whatley (2010).
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Summary
Keywords
illness narrative, dance performance, agency, visual autoethnography, disability theory, cancer experience, embodiment, phenomenology of illness
Citation
Pini S and Maguire-Rosier K (2021) Performing Illness: A Dialogue About an Invisibly Disabled Dancing Body. Front. Psychol. 12:566520. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.566520
Received
28 May 2020
Accepted
05 May 2021
Published
31 May 2021
Volume
12 - 2021
Edited by
Sarah Whatley, Coventry University, United Kingdom
Reviewed by
Bettina E. Bläsing, Technical University Dortmund, Germany
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Copyright
© 2021 Pini and Maguire-Rosier.
This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License (CC BY). The use, distribution or reproduction in other forums is permitted, provided the original author(s) and the copyright owner(s) are credited and that the original publication in this journal is cited, in accordance with accepted academic practice. No use, distribution or reproduction is permitted which does not comply with these terms.
*Correspondence: Sarah Pini spini@health.sdu.dkKate Maguire-Rosier kate.maguire-rosier@sydney.edu.au
This article was submitted to Performance Science, a section of the journal Frontiers in Psychology
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